12.16.2009

My 2009

Back in the beginning of 2009, right around my 30th birthday, I had this blog entry that I never got to post. As I read it again, almost a year later, I see that except for maybe a couple items, I still feel the same way.

20 Questions:

  1. Where do I begin?
  2. How can we come back home within a few years?
  3. Why do some people care more about what I should have instead of my happiness?
  4. Why is it so hard to respect those who do not respect me?
  5. Why do I feel discontented despite all my blessings?
  6. Why do I feel trapped, when we said we can always go back?
  7. When is “always” going to happen?
  8. Why am I here in the first place?
  9. How bad will life be if we come back home?
  10. Really?
  11. Why can’t I embrace this lifestyle the way other people did (and still do)?
  12. Why is it so hard to not think about our life if we were back home?
  13. Why is it so hard for me to find friends that share my pains?
  14. Why am I still depressed?
  15. Why does having no steady income make me feel like a failure?
  16. When should I start doing something for myself, something I truly love? (I decided to volunteer my skills to Taproot Foundation, where I will be working with a team pro-bono to help with marketing campaigns of non-profit orgs. I’m starting next year. Perhaps this will help.)
  17. Why did I ever think I will have time to start my own business when taking care of my family takes 24 hours in a day?
  18. Why are there only 24 hours in a day?
  19. Why is it so hard to not think about all these things?
  20. When will my questions be answered, if at all?

Maybe it’s the holiday blues kicking in full gear, or maybe it’s really just me. I know I have to keep things in perspective, because there really is so much to be thankful for: my family is healthy and whole, I have a husband who loves me and works hard to provide for us and a son who brings us joy. We are very much loved and blessed. That’s all that truly matters, right?

I just wish reminding myself about these 20 times a day can make me feel better.

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posted by meL @ 6:45 PM

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